i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
