he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
