If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
