Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
