I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize