I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
