My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
