so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
