dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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