I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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