nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
