it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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