weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
