The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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