Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
