i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
