I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
