he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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