If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
