you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
