I want to have your abortion
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
