A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
