Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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