i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
