My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
