apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
