New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You made out with two different species that night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
