Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
