ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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