So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
