We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
