Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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