I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
