Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
