the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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