Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
