Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
