So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
