I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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