Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
