Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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