I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
