a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
do nipples grow back?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
