i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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