Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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