It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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