the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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