You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
