Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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