remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
handjob tips. give me some.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
