Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
