Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
