i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
